After almost two weeks, I wish I actually had someone that can relate to my situation, and does not want to marry me off to some crazy control freak, put me in a black shroud and let me suffer from ingrown eyebrows. What's wrong with people?? Being muslim does not mean being detached from the world that we live in, it is a way to deal with it. That's how I see it and that's ONE of the reasons why I became attracted to Islam. Not for becoming a breeding hen.
Being a muslim does not mean to switch your brain off and just sit at home having no life, not really being in this world due to an obsession for the next. Still, this world needs to be taken seriously, it has tests, and muslims are here to worship Allah Subhaana wa ta'aala and do GOOD in this world, not to make things difficult for themselves and others. After all it is Allah's creation and not to be despised or disregarded for. Enjoy it's beauty, do not restrict it for others.
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21 comments:
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem.
Assalaamu Alaykum, Ohktee.
With the exception of gender:
1. I am in your situation (New Muslim)
2. I don't want you (or I) to marry some crazy control freak
3. I don't want you (or I) to get ingrown eyebrows
Really.
Ahkee Yusuf,
wa aleykum aslam Yusuf, jazhakallah khair again. Things look a bit brighter today after a big tafseer meeting in the masjid and less headache than i had in the morning. after all there might be hope for me. and more deep fried (halal) food from all sorts of countries:) alhamdulilllah
so what abt the black shroud??
Assalaamu alaykum
I hear you--it's so annoying for people to start laying on pressure (to dress a certain way, eat a certain way, or even get married!) when you're still trying to get your bearings.
I converted to Islam a few years ago and all of a sudden felt like I had half a dozen different people trying to tell me how to wash myself in the bathroom--definitely felt like my privacy had been invaded on that count. Plus it seems like suddenly there's all these restrictions from people (sometimes near-strangers) who feel qualified to tell you how to live your life. (Sorry too about my own unsolicited advice.)
Alhamdulillah--Allah made you Muslim and He can take care of you, too. Just focus on the big things like praying, asking Allah for help and ease. There's an ayah in the Qur'an, 2:177, which talks about what righteousness, and the people of taqwa (God consciousness.) And mind, it doesn't say a thing about eyebrows.
Just some thoughts from your sister. Feel free to check back on my blog or email me.
And regarding black shrouds... I hate wearing black--in fact, I practically never wear it. That goes for jilbabs, jackets, scarves, all of it. I have one black abaya that was a gift, I wear it sometimes but only with a very brightly colored scarf. And on the rare occasion I wear a black headscarf (my boss one time thought there was a funeral or holiday or something because I was wearing black one day and he'd never seen me in it before) I usually pair it with fairly bright clothes to balance out.
So black shrouds? Not the only way to go. :-)
test
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem.
Assalaamu Alaykum, Ohktee.
You know, I sometimes feel very intimidated that so many of our brothers and sisters have tried to get me to marry since becoming a Muslim. Today, however, I felt incredibly honored. My Ustaad (a Sheikh whom I love more than myself) told me that he would love for me to marry his daughter.
I thought he was just being nice at first, but he repeated it and was dead-on serious. I was completely floored. Although I want to wait until I improve in my Islamic studies, I can't help but feel flattered that this man would want me as a son-in-law. The fact that this Sheikh would want me as a part of his family nearly brought tears to my eyes.
The other thing was that I didn't want to insult his offer by flat out refusing not only because he could kill me without thinking about it, but because of my admiration and respect for him. Still, his daughter is still maturing. It would be interesting to see what the future holds...
Walhamdulillah, Ahkee Yusuf
subhaanallah, that's good news Yusuf, so you are considering the offer? I have made the mistake telling my sisters that i'll be marrying a non muslim (not muslim yet, inshallah). Now they are REALLY on my case, lol!
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem.
Assalaamu Alaykum, Ohktee.
I usually take everything into consideration, especially when faced with the proposition of marriage. So, as far as marrying my Ustaad's daughter, no I haven't agreed to marry her (or anyone else yet) for some good reasons.
I do think that she is beautiful and smart, but she does have some maturing to do. I also need to continued expanding my knowledge and practice of this Deen. So, not yet, but Insha'alaa someday soon. ;)
By the way, speaking of consideration, it is considered absolutely Haraam for Muslimas to marry Kaffirs. No offense, but do you really need me to produce Daleel from the Quran and the authentic Sunnah for this?
Normally I would it without asking, but this seems so fundamental in Islamic teaching that I really shouldn't have to.
Then again, you have only been a Muslima for 2 weeks...
As far as wearing what you call "A Black Shroud", Most Muslims traditionally call it a black Hijab, Hilbab, and Khimar. Wearing these articles of clothing (in black) is done purposely for two reasons:
1) So that a Muslima does not attract unwanted attention to herself from men
2) So that she is identified as a Muslima to those around her due to her religious uniform
The uniform of the Muslim woman is not meant to be 'fashionable' or 'in style'. She is not wearing her Hijab and Khimar to impress people or to bring attention to herself.
The only person that (Islamically) she should be occupied with trying to get attention from (or impress) is her husband, not her friends or co-workers.
This is from the Sunnah, I'm not trying to say these things to be mean, sexist, or oppressive. If you like, I would be happy to produce evidence upon request on this matter.
I think that it is fine for young Muslima children who have not reached the age of sexual consciousness to wear brightly colored Hijabs because... they're children.
I know that (personally) I would not be comfortable marrying a Muslima that didn't wear her uniform in the manner of Nabi-ullah Muhammad Salallahu Alayhee Wa Salaam's wives (Radee Allahu An-Humaa).
Barakallahu Feekum, Ahkee Yusuf
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem.
Assalamu Alaykum, Ohktee.
I would be also more than happy to discuss Islam as a life-system option with your intended husband.
Insha'alaa, please let me know if I can be of any assistance in this area.
Sincerely, Ahkee Yusuf
Jazhak Allah Brother Yusuf, thanks for your offer, shokran. I do know that muslims are not supposed to marry non muslims. I have discussed that at length with my better half and I don't see many problems in the future re raising children etc. Since we are engaged and very close, this would be just like asking for divorce cos i'm a muslim, and very unfair and selfish from me. I'm convinced that Allah swt has brought us together, and Allah knows best.
black: still, I have to like myself, right? I don't like myself all in black. Islam teaches moderation and to start hiding myself would not be very moderate, in my view. Also, most of my coworkers and my new manager are female, alhamdullillah. I mostly take phone calls and have to be friendly to the people that ring up, i hope that's not regarded similar to phone sex...??
Bismillah.
Assalaamu Alaykum, Ohktee.
I hope that Allah gives you what you seek, but I pray that he becomes Muslim before you marry him. Your marriage to him will hold NO legitimacy within this Deen if he remains a Kaffir.
The text is VERY clear on this issue and by marrying someone outside the fold of Islam, it could have serious consequences for your family life.
Say for instance you have children with this man (a non-Muslim) and you die, who will raise the children as Muslims? Who will teach them to follow Islam? Certainly not a non-Muslim father.
Unfortunately, these children will likely grow up lost and may fall into Jahaleeha. Please speak to one of our Shiiyookh and really consider what you are doing. I say this as your brother in Islam.
Sincerely, Ahkee Yusuf
Bismillah.
Assalaamu Alaykum, Ohktee.
I wouldn't force any Muslima into wearing a black hijab, jilbab, or khimar.
I only gave you an explanation as to WHY such women wear it in black and the hikmah behind the reason.
Walhamdulillah, Ahkee Yusuf
Bismillah.
Assalaamu Alaykum to all Muslims. Insha'alaa, I would like to make some things very clear. The nasiha that I gave to our Ohktee goes to the brothers as well.
Do not think for two seconds that it is appropriate (today) for Muslim men to marry women from the people of the book the way they are now.
During the time of Prophet Muhammad Salallahu Alayhee Wa Salaam, the women of the people of the book were chaste and followed the religious ordinances of their deen.
That is not the case today. How many of the women of the book (today) discontinue the practice of premarital sex within their deen? How many of them continue to commit Zinah with other women? Astaghfirullah.
Aaoothu Bilahi Minashaytanir Rajeem, I have lost count of how many unwed mothers attend church every Sunday, especially within the Black and Latino communities here in the U.S.
These are not the Christian or Jewish women of Muhammad Salallahu Alayhee Wa Salaam's time.
The only way we as Muslim men are allowed to marry the women of the people of the book is if they are:
1) Virgins who regularly practice and follow their deen
2) Widows or divorced women who regularly practice and follow their deen
3) A revert to Islam
Also, Muslim men should dress modestly as well. We should cover our bodies from the navel to the knees. We should not wear tight clothing such as tight jeans or small muscle t-shirts.
If possible, we should wear loose-fitting clothes that do not conform to the shape of our physiques. Don't forget to let your beards grow long (Insha'alaa) and to cut your mustaches short.
We should also keep our heads covered, either with a hood or a Khufi as was the Sunnah of Rasoolullah Salallahu Alayhee Wa Salaam. Last but not least, we should lower our gazes whether it is with believing women or women of the kafirun.
I pray that I have been clear on this matter and may Allah forgive me for any and all mistakes that I make. Ameen. If anyone requires daleel on this subject, I am more than happy to comply with your request.
Sincerely, Ahkee Yusuf
Salam
1. There is NOTHING in the Quran or Sunnah that mentions black.
2. There is something called WISDOM which is supposed to be used with new reverts, which I see a lack of here.
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,
Assalaamu Alaykum, Ahkee Baba.
Astaghfirullah, I believe that there has been a misunderstanding. I didn't say that wearing black was from the Qur'an or Sunnah. Please review what was said and I pray that you forgive me for any miscommunication. I wrote:
"The only person that (Islamically) she should be occupied with trying to get attention from (or impress) is her husband, not her friends or co-workers.
This is from the Sunnah, I'm not trying to say these things to be mean, sexist, or oppressive. If you like, I would be happy to produce evidence upon request on this matter."
Please note to which I am referring. I am referring to the wife pleasing her husband, not an adherence to wearing the color black.
I did give my own (personal) preference to the manner of Rasoolullah Salallahu Alayhee Wa Salaam's wives in the manner of the uniform. I should have been more specific about it and for that I apologize. I wrote:
"I know that (personally) I would not be comfortable marrying a Muslima that didn't wear her uniform in the manner of Nabi-ullah Muhammad Salallahu Alayhee Wa Salaam's wives (Radee Allahu An-Humaa)."
What I should have specified was not only the external uniform of the Mothers of the believers (Radee Allahu An-Humaa), but the internal uniform as well.
By submitting to their husband (Salallahu Alayhee Wa Salaam), they submitted to Allah and His ordinances.
Of course, any woman can throw a head scarf on and a khimar and it wouldn't necessarily make them a good Muslima, and this isn't what necessarily defines a Muslima, despite how much it may externally identify them as a Muslima.
However, I am within the understanding that part of a Muslim woman's submission to Allah Subhana Wa Ta'alaa is her submission to her Muslim husband.
Insha'alaa, if I am wrong in this understanding please forgive my overzealousness and correct me. Also, please note the following post in response to Sister Sabirah:
"I wouldn't force any Muslima into wearing a black hijab, jilbab, or khimar.
I only gave you an explanation as to WHY such women wear it in black and the hikmah behind the reason."
I also did not try to make it seem as if these practices were only for women. If you read my very last post, you will see that I was just as direct and forthcoming with the brothers (if not more so) as I was with Sister Sabirah.
My intentions are sincere, not vile, mean-spirited, or oppressive.
Baba, if there was a perception that I gave off that was otherwise, then I ask that Allah forgive me for my mistakes and guide me to better understanding.
Ameen.
Humbly, Ahkee Yusuf
Buddhism suddenly becomes very appealing again...
Assalaamu Alaykum, Ohktee.
Astaghfirullah, I hope you are joking with me...
i think this was the worst three weeks of my life, right after the death of my father and another incident that i don't want to mention here
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