Al-Gheebah (I hope I understand)

Bismillah irahman iraheem

Narrated by Imam Ahmad the Prophet (Saw) said “When the Day of Resurrection comes, Allaah will gather all creatures in a single plain so that the announcer will be able to make them all hear his voice and the watcher will be able to see all of them, then He will call them in a voice that will be heard from afar just as it is heard from nearby: ‘I am the Sovereign, I am the Judge. None of the people of Hell should enter Hell if they have any right due from any of the people of Paradise, until the score is settled, and none of the people of Paradise should enter Paradise if they have any right due from any of the people of Hell, until the score is settled.’” Sahi Bukhari

There are plenty of guides and rules out there concerning new Muslims. Within the last month (yes it's a full month tomorrow, ALHAMDULLILLAH!!) I have read lists and lists of things that need to be considered, they range from "take it easy" via "learn your prayer and supplications first" to "the best way to start Islam is with hijab".

Some things were really useful, some felt rather harsh instead of welcoming. (But I understand that not a single one advice is given in a mean spirit or with harm in mind, rather the opposite! I would not receive any advice or guidance if nobody cared.)

However, all advice I received was concerning rules in Islam, they dealt with what is halal, what is haram, what is good, what is bad, what I can keep and acquire, what I must change and get rid of.
All this was well received, thought about and hopefully properly understood and sincerely pray that I'm on my way to become a halfway acceptable muslimah with help of these rules and guidelines.

Nevertheless, I truly, truly, TRULY wish I had one big advice that came right on top of these guides, warnings, advices and lists for new muslims, and that would have been on what is considered "Gheebah" (slander and backbiting) inclusive the consequence, what is the harm for the other and oneself, and how it is avoided. In particular for new reverts.

I understand that from an islamic point of view, gheebah is rather a straightforward matter: saying somethings about someone that would make that person hate you or being very hurt is considered gossip if it is true, and slander and backbiting if the things said are untrue. Please correct me if I'm wrong here.
With that in mind, I couldn't pick with what I would consider worse if that person that was talked about is myself!
I believe that Gheebah starts in one's heart and mind (and in fact, the translation of the arabic word means "that which is unseen, itseems") and indeed it is just a little step from thinking a thought to uttering it or writing it down (which is even worse because, often written things cannot be easily erased. Cyperspace is more persistent than the good old fashioned engraved marble slate!)
Someone who thinks something odd or bad about another person, family, town or even country (how often do people think and say bad about inhabitants of a certain country/practitioners of a religion) would act differently towards this person, even in slightest things.

How often in the last couple of weeks have I seen, assumed on and judged certain behaviour and other things in and outside the ummah that made me almost turn away from Islam because I thought it bad behaviour (which probably is, but it's certainly not on me to judge, and MOST CERTAINLY not to pass on to other people that most likely never even want to hear about that kind of stuff).
Judgement needs some attributes that I surely do not have such as insight (I am just a wee beginner), knowledge, just to name the most important ones.

Back to Gheebah, which is very much the result of bad judgement, on so many levels. And arrogance, think about it, everytime I say or write something about another person that might hurt this person in some way, I try to put myself higher than that person. I consider myself better.
Truly, even if you just THINK something that might hurt the other person, put them in a bad light or even in a way that they are not at all, Sheytan goes "GOTCHA!"

Now back to the new muslim stuff... sorry if I keep rambling and jumping points. But people engaged in dawah will probably agree if I just throw this statement into the cyberspace: Most muslims (not necessarily just the reverts) turn away from Islam because they observe behaviour from others, assume, judge, then consequently think bad or lower of the people concerned. They even speak it out, complain to authorities and write books about it (and isn't it Gheebah to write a book that hurts muslims in faith and heart?).
And eventually they think they are better than muslims, can practise better Islam, and finally break away from the faith.

Considering all this and a lot more that is just too late to write down this evening, I wish I realized earlier the importance of gheebah in thought and speech in the life of a new muslim.

Narrated Abu Burdhah al-Aslami : "The Prophet {s.a.w.s} said : "O community of people, who believed by their tongue , and belief did not enter their hearts, do not backbite Muslims, and do not search for their faults, for if anyone searches for their faults, Allah will search for his fault, and if Allah searches for the fault of anyone, He disgraces him in the open for everyone to see, even if he hid it in the innermost part of his house." Sunan Abu Dawud : Book 41, Number 4862, Sahih Suan Al Tirmidhi